Poetry corner

Here is some of my poems...I don't consider myself a poet by any means but wanted some feed back...if you like em or if you think people would buy a book full of ones like this!!!

THANKS

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This one is called Feel

I feel like a stranger

I feel all alone

I feel helpless and hopeless

With no place to go

I feel like a gambler

Risking it all

I feel like a begger

Wondering what went wrong

I feel like a child

So young and niave

I feel like an adult

Still striving to chase my dreams

I feel like a burden

To heavy to carry

I feel like a bird

Without wings

I wish I could shake this

I wish it would go away

I wish I would feel worth it

I wish today everything

Would just be

OKAY

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I titled this You won't win

Your nothing but memories

Your nothing but tears

You’re nothing but an addiction

Your nothing but fears

You try to contain me

You try to hold me back

You try to leash me

You want me to come back

You strike at my heart

You strike at my soul

You strike at my mind

You want me to lose all control

You want to be my master

You want to be my boss

You want to be my lover

You want to be my  friend

I’m tired of running

I’m tired of fear

I’m tired of forgiving

I’m tired of tears

You can’t have me

You don’t deserve this

You can’t rip me apart

For nothing

You won’t win

Like this

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the last one of this blog...its untitled

We refuse to give in

We refuse to let go

We refuse to turn left

But it’s so hard to control

Our time together is fleeting

Our time together is scarce

Our time together seems to evaporate

Our time together disappears

You can’t freeze this

You can’t hide the truth

You can’t disguise your love

You can’t just let it go

Why did this happen?

Why did this have to end?

Why did you lead me on?

Why did I we commit a sin?

Where am I to go?

Where am I to hide?

Where am I to wander?

Without anyone passing by

Dear God, I'm sorry

Dear God-

If there was an address up in the sky I am sure a letter compiled similarly to this would reach you once about every two months. Sad really, I should be writting you letters of praise daily. However, I tell myself I am do busy or I do find time and it comes from selfish pretenses. God, I know you can't tell me everythin' if you did...then what would I have to truly live for. God, I know that I yearn for love but yet I have always had the greatest love within me. I don't know why it's so hard to remember that you sent your son and he outstretched his arms and said "I love you this big." I suppose that is why around easter our hearts sadden as we know that it was not him who put himself on the cross but rather us who did.

It's Christmas time...a time to celebrate what we've come to call as the nativity story or the birth of your son. However, why is that forgetton amongst the shopping for gifts and decorating the tree. I know that not everyone forget it and Lord, I apologize that sometimes or should I say most the time my family does. No, I am not trying to point finger even I forget the true meaning of Christmas from time to time. I suppose thats from working too many Christmas's in the retail setting.

God, I guess this letter was prompted because today I felt kind of alone. The house was empty except for the three dogs. Then there was that moment when I thought back to a beautiful friendship that you started between me and someone else and then you ended it also. I suppose I am asking you how to feel less guilty about such incident or if I ever will? Maybe the answer isn't in the voice I hear but rather the lessons I've been learning. I know in that moment when my life shattered or felt like it was shattering you wanted to draw me near.

I know this year I haven't been the best at coming to you with things. I still have that...I can do it on my own attitude but I NEED TO STOP THAT! I CANNOT DO IT ALL ON MY OWN. Phil. 4:13 says " I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength." THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE VERSES YET I NEGLECT THE VERY MEANING. I even tattooed the word strength on my foot to remind me of that verse and remind me of the strength you gave my best friend in order to help her mold me into the woman I am today.
So, God...I'm sorry. I am sorry that unlike others I talk to everyday that I neglect finding the time for you. I'm sorry for the wrong things I do and heartly wish that years ago all the hate and anger I had towards you could be long forgotten in my heart. God, I know that the path of life you see for me is the right path and although it doesn't fit in "MY TIMING" it doesn't mean it Won't Happen.

God, I can't imagine scaraficing someone you love for thousands upon thousands of people who didnt deserve it. I AM THANKFUL EVERYDAY THAT YOU DID THOUGH. I am thankful that things in life isnt fair because if life was fair Lord I know where I belong. That thought sends chills down my spine but I have done more bad then good.

Tonight, as I slowly prepare for bed...I will find the time  to rekindle the father-daughter relationship you seek. Father, I want you to know that in my crazy life you have been the one constant father. I know I don't say this enough but I LOVE YOU TOO.

Good night Dad...I love you

Dear Best Friend...Can You HEAR ME?

Dear Linsey-

I was wondering if you could hear me from way up there? If you hear me cry? Do you hear me scream? Dear Best friend, you want to know something funny that happened to me today? Well, my boss was not happy and said all she needed to do was talk to her best friend who she hadn't talked to in three days. THREE DAYS? Thats an lifetime it seems...I didn't have the heart to tell her that I hadn't heard your voice in three years. I didn't tell her that for three years now I've had to take on more dreams and had to find a way to make them happen. I couldn't muster up the strength to tell her how hard it truly is when your best friend is no longer on the Earth. Sure, her's is in Japan and that has to be tough but come on...I CAN'T Fly to heaven for a vacation!

Three years...It's to the point that I wish I could fight with you just to make up again. When I blast the radio...I wish you were there singing at the top of your lungs too. When it comes to Rodeo and Cowboys I wish you could see how great J.B. is doin' again. I wish you could see Mckennon's comeback to the tour. I wish you could see and meet some of my great new friends. The ones who can make me laugh, make me cry, who can't dance, and who can always remind me of my greatness.

I miss sleepovers, I miss beings activly involved in your families lives also. The kids are getting big...at least from the pictures I can see that. Your parents are still wonderful...I must say your dad is funny. I should have known that from all the times he told us that we couldn't bring Cowboys home. Your mom is still sweet as ever and still working hard.

I miss giving crazy gifts and having random holiday parties at my house. I miss being an unstoppable duo....I miss the backroad driving and the pool parties.

My dearest bestest friend....I miss the transformation from friend, to bestie, to sister. I miss the 12 years of laughter, tears, and life lessons. I miss the girl I use to be but know that the girl I am now had to come out sometime.

So, my dearest friend want to know some cool things that have happened to me in those three years: well....I am now a Bearcat Alumni: GO CATS. Even though you are suppose to be too :(. I am now friends with Mckennon's mom and she is adoreable. I am friends with his sisters...well Kind of...they are super amazing. His whole family is pretty cool. The girl he is gonna marry she is a stock contractor like we wanted to be. I love her bulls Get Western and Cowboy Casanova. I've fallen for a bareback rider...I know dont gasp too hard...he is pretty good at his job. I've lost a little weight and still workin on becomin that model we talked about.

While, I am not in PT school yet I still push towards that...and yes, I would still die to work for Tandy freeman someday! I have found a love for underground musicians...and I still love them when they go mainstream.

I still believe in Cowgirl Up, Cowgirls don't cry, and all those other hardass things I believed in. My boots are still a trademark and I have become the western guru of my facebook friends.

Well...If you can hear me then you know that I always miss you. That I smile everytime I see a butterfly pass me. You know that I am now a bonafide hunter and that I would do anything for us to have gotten into that when you were here.

It's Christmas time and I am sure you have a grand party with the Man upstairs. I hope it's lots of fun and if you talk to Lane, Freckles, or any other cool cowboy up there that you write those stories down...I expect a full report and meet and greet when I arrive.

So, I hope that people don't take their best friends for granted when they have them, because when they are gone...life becomes a bigger challenge, it becomes a few pathes and some lead to a dead end.

I miss you angel girl and if you can hear me I hope you know that I am trying my best to succeed for you!

I Must Admit

I must admit that I will always love him. So, to the future men in my life I apologize before hand.

I must admit that when I am on my highest high, it's because I just came from my lowest low.

I must admit that I have thought about taking my own life, but let the Lord remind me I have greatness to thrust upon the world.

I must admit that I am one blessed cookie.

I must admit that I am so ashamed that I used to hide my writing from the world.

I must admit that I don't know if I'll every remember all the lessons I've learned, but I won't ever forget who taught them to me.

I must admit that one day, or someday I want to be pictured in a magazine...weird for a girl whose always loved living out of the limelight.

I must admit that my grammar sucks but I still want to be a well-known author.

I must admit that I want to write a song with someone. I want it to be a song that people can relate to.

I must admit that I am honored that you even took the time to read this.

I must admit that I will always miss her. I will always want her to be by my side. So, when it starts to drive me crazy remind me to close my eyes and there she will be.

I must admit that as much as I want the new year to come, I just hope that I can survive its many changes.

I must admit that Texas will always hold my soul.

I must admit that I am glad life isn't fair, because I know where I would be going if it was.

I must admit that I am still learning how to stand on my own two feet.

I must admit that I need a girly girl to coach me in ways of make up and styling clothes.

I must admit that no matter how I met you, no matter if we still talk that I HOPE FOR THE BEST ALWAYS!

I must admit that this is dragging on to long.

I must admit....

New writing adventure

I am doing something I am not use to doing but I hope it turns out alright....The girl is in a creative writing class and has to chart her emotions through the semester...it will end up spanning a year in college because she enjoys the venting. She is to not use the same emotion twice & she must chose a dictionary definition and also define it herself. after defining it she will recall and recount memories or things that made her feel that way...This is the first entry it is not an emotion but rather how I figured it could uniquly tie the book together....

Please Comment if you have any ways I can make this better or even if you just like it...
THANKS Y'all & Blessings


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Emery Jude Dixon

Emery: English in origin and means work ruler. Originally an English surname.

Jude: English in origin meaning from Judea

Dixon: English in origin meaning son of Richard

My thoughts: At least my parents stuck with the English origin. And I can’t blame the last name from being wrong. My grandfather’s name is Garth. In school I always went by E.J. Dixon. It was neither too feminine or to masculine and it always fit on the back of a rodeo team shirt.

So, my creative writing professor has given us a challenge. To start this journal and to track our emotions throughout the semester. We cannot use the same emotion twice and we must not only define it with the help of Mr. Webster but through our excerpt allowing our reader to sense and feel our emotions. For one I would almost think this was a crock of bull except for after compiling said journal I hope to show my grandmother that I belong as an English major and not a science one.

My first excerpt is supposed to lay the land out for my readers. He said, “ ‘ Give them a glimpse into their subject.’ “Well, here I am boring you with a glimpse. So far you know my name. I’m Emery and while you can call me E.J. If you want, I should knock one thing out for you right away. I am and will always be a cowgirl. So, if you are hesitant to read on understand. I say the words please and thank you. In my dialog I don’t like the letter g. I talk slow but I am not stupid. I am tough….which makes this project tough. Why should I let the world feel my  raw emotions. Well, consider this your warning that this project will become real and uncut. He expressed that we can leave this uncensored and real so I also suppose I should describe myself: I am about 5 Ft. 6 but taller with my boots on, I have auburn hair and paralyzing green eyes. My skin is fairly pale but I do have some freckles from working out in the sun. I am of average build and unlike Barbie I have natural curves. I wear my hair most commonly to the side in a braid. I don’t have a boyfriend and my guardians are my grandparents. I suppose if that’s not laying the land for my readers than he can shove it. You’re bound to learn more than you bargained for in the months ahead.

Leaving the corral,

E.J. Dixon

Sometimes what you wanted was always inside of you

Growing up I always thought I was such an abnormal person. I have a hard time walking  on an even surface, I have always loved learning new things, and while all my other friends wanted to be pop princesses I wanted to be like Loretta & Reba.
    I'm 22 and on the cusp of turning 23 in 14 days. I can say that there is a lot of things I have wanted in life and some I haven't gotten & others are still in the beginning stages. As I await patiently to learn my fate about Physical Therapy school and a life changing move to Texas I couldn't help but have a nostalgic weekend.
      I never realized how a town could still hold memories so crisp and clear. Every time I return to my College Alma Mater I get excited and I am happy with the people I get to see. There are friends from my numerous organizations but many of them have become more than friends. A lot of them actually help me realize that I am greater than I ever could have imagined. They have shown me that my whole life of me hiding behind my weight & glasses was hiding somethings that the world deserved to see.
     I let this fear of turning into a carbon compressed diamond blind me from showing the world the pearl I am. I felt so comfortable in my shell & never imagined the day of my harvest. We are all pearls...all unique and stand for different things. We all have different dreams & goals but sometimes you realize that the differences you thought made you abnormal really made you the same as people you probably didn't expect.
   Today I discovered that many people I have considered to be my biggest competition and I have a lot in common. so, as I despised them for getting what I fought for I was really despising parts of myself (hmm...am I a genius or what?).
     Although, I know I am a dreamer and live to accomplish every new one and old one I have ever imagined I also know that sometimes what you strive for the most has always been inside of you.
 Such as my caring heart or my uncanny way with words. So, when you feel like you have nothing good to bring to the world look inside of you. Your voice could start the rally for something important so when you think that what you want is something in this world know that you have great things within you! Use your talents & enjoy the outcomes!

When you fear blinding people like a diamond, don't forget how you glisten you beautiful Pearl!

Blessings & well Wishes

A silent Scream

I feel like my entire life I have been the daughter who has had to keep it together. The daughter who if showing just an ounce of weakness was told to straighten up and stop crying. I feel like I tried to condition myself from feeling pain because I was constantly walking through it and in it.

I am 22 years old and a little over a month towards being 23. I didnt get into PT school and for me it was a huge devastation although my mother told me I had to hold it together and figure out the next option. So I applied to PTA school and got in but I came home and my mom told me maybe I should finically wait and so I did.

Now I am in a dead end job and everyone is leaving. These past two days I have sat in my house and was only called upon when needed. I feel like as if my family has gotten lose in the struggles of the world and forget what being a family was. All i hear out of my step-father anymore is an occasional hello and my mother just seems to tell me what I need to do and not support me. While my little sister thinks that she is my boss and my older sister is constantly telling me that she is so glad her kids have me to look up to.

While, I sit here and silently scream I dont hear a "How can I help you?" a, "What's goin' on" instead I cry. I havent cried or attempted not to grow a lot while growing up and now all I can do is cry.

I am a Christian and I know that God is with me and that things will play out for the best but im tired of people rejoicing when I am doing great things but not giving two craps when I am in a bind.

However, I am gonna look at this as braving this storm and in return I know there will be a rainbow and a few minutes of happiness.

I am just so sick of no one hearing me and yet I always hear everyone elses cry....SO WHY MUST I DO THIS ALONE?