Shattered Reality

We all hate it, the negativity, the hardships. We all dispise the feeling of inferiority and disguist. Well, I'm 21 and my reality shattered when I was 19. Losing your best friend isn't easy, it isn't suppose to be. It's like losing a member of your family. The scars just don't ever heal.
Then you bring into your life, a creative writing class. I am a writer, I am proud to admit that, but the whole semester you have started to realize that "You" are not the only one suffering these great pains. Then you look out of the scope of the class and realize the world is dealing with these things too. In my life I come from a divorced and re-married family, I was and still at times is an emotional eater, I was teased for wearing glasses, for being fat, and my smarts, I  also had an emotional abusive relationship at 16!
 I'm not writing this so the world will pitty me. I try to pride myself on not being that way! I wanted to write this to tell you that hard things come our way. We don't like it, we never will! We are all reaching for our own prize.
I was average men risk their lives on bulls, and for a mere 1 million dollars and gold buckles that declare them champions. That they are, they are champions. So, you too, can be ca champion.
God is the driver, but you are the passenger. God is taking you on the roads in which he has paved for you. Yes these roads may cause heartache and tears, but God is leaving you with Strength.
I don't physically see myself as a strong girl! Yes, I am pretty big and with red hair could probably kick someones ass out of shear rage (but im not that kind of person). Though emotionally, I find myself strong. God has given me the strength to carry on. I look back at my past and I'm not ashamed of where I come from, but rather greatful. I am humbled to have experienced even what I have in my 21 short years.
You may wonder how I look at some of these experience that way, and for you the topics are really just surface descriptions, but I get by because I know that God has a plan.
I like everyone else wish I knew the details of this plan, but I don't.
Maybe one day I will work for the PBR, maybe I won't.
Maybe I'll get into a school in Texas, Maybe New Mexico, but only God knows where to best send me.
Maybe I will fall in love, maybe it will take time. (Being single since you are 16 sucks, but in  a way im still old fashion. This is one of those lessons in Patience).

Though no matter what determines to shatter my reality next, I will hold my head high and not surrender. For surrendering is a cowardly way to go.

I just want you to all know YOU ARE STRONG! YOU CAN DEFEAT THE MONSTERS! THE OBSTACLES CAN BE OVERCAME! DO NOT FEEL TRAPPED! THERE IS A WINDOW OR A DOOR THAT WILL LEAD YOU OUT OF THERE!

God Bless

The calm after the storm

Yesterday, a huge storm erupted in my life. Possibly it was the lack of sleep from the weekend or it was because everythin' had just piled up and needed to safety valve released. It seems that this occurs to me quite often and it's annoying.
Part of my problem is I am the go to girl for just about anyone. I basically carry around everyone's fears, dreams, and hopes along with my own. I am the one who always grabs a hand when needed and guides them through the unknown.
Though, what some of my friends don't understand is that they are abusing their friendly duties by not returning the favor. Not that I constantly need to disclose my inner demons but some days just like everybody else I need a little escape...though my escapes must become my own when they turn their heads away.
That is why I write. Why I yearn for a career working on the bull riders?  Why I hope that the man of my dreams will one day be mine?
When I am about to explode that is when I yearn for my best friend to still be alive.
Being 21 is hard, Being 21 and without a best friend is almost impossible!

though, today is a better day. My soul is now calmed, and partly because I have regained my focus on my Heavenly Father, the man who always takes care of me.

so, guess I am out....hope everyone has a blessed day!