Sometimes you figure out that the value of someones smile is worth more than gold.
Sometimes you figure out that you are worth more than people treat you.
Sometimes you figure out that even after years of not saying hello, people still recognize and can laugh with you.
Sometimes you figure out that a way to relieve the stress of the world is to surround yourself with people who make you smile.
Sometimes you figure out that no matter where you go...even though your of legal age someone is gonna think your a high schooler.
Sometimes you figure out that some people just have cooler ideas then you.
Sometimes you figure out that no matter how bad your heart wants something, God has a better plan for you.
Sometimes you figure out that your hand could hold the strength someone is looking for.
Sometimes you figure out that time and years don't make a true friend but memories and hearts do.
Sometimes you figure out that your plans just arent the best ones for you.
Sometimes you figure out that you can always find happiness even if you feel like your surrounded by darkness.
Sometimes you figure out that while it pains you that they are not here now, it will be worth the joy later on.
Sometimes you figure out that those you thought knew so little about you, actually knows everything about you.
Sometimes you figure out that you sit down, when its your time to stand.
Sometimes you figure out that your small voice could start a movement.
God Bless y'all
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Out of the millions we meet...only few make a siginificant difference
In our life we meet couthroughntless people...some we never get to say more than a simple hello...others we get to unchain their souls. Three years ago today I lost someone who knew where all the hidden keys were located. She could pop a lock even without the key present. She understood that inside of me was this bright gem just dying to sparkle.
Although, in four years of College I got to meet and be the person to unlock others souls. Though I suppose I feel bad for never fully unlocking mine. Some parts may be because after losing her I was afaird of the secrets and the pain to come flying out. Prehaps...it was just me being stubborn me.
In my life I have withheld a lot from people. I suppose it was my way of protecting myself or maybe I have always had this random idea of being a burden. I suppose this idea came from my father. It seemed like he had to forget his promises because I was just another thing on his to do list. Now, my step-father has tried all he could to fix that but I suppose for some reason it still remains.
If we have ever gone to school together throughout our lives and you've felt like I never understood you. Chances are I did, but I was too afaird to let you understand also. If we went to school and you ever really cared but never had the time to show it I appreciate it. I appreciate all you did have the time to do. If you ever wonder if I think about you I do. It may not be everyday but their is that one song or that one color that reminds me of you. If you ever called me your friend I hope I was qualified and served my purpose. If you ever see me around and I seem cold or frozen I'm sorry.
I only strive to make a difference in the lives of everyone I meet. I suppose this was a lofty goal I concieved years ago. I suppose after going through so much pain I only wanted to be able to bring people the happiness that so alluded me. For 12 years I had a huge ball of Happiness in my best friend and after her I am tryin' to pick up the pieces to still discover it again.
If you ever wonder if I want you to succeed...absolutly. If you ever thought I was weird, ugly, annoying: I'm sure I gave you justice but I want you to know that I still want the best. If you think this is all a lie I hope you think twice.
Remember that we were made to build realationships of all degrees. So even if I'm someone who only pinchs the surface or I'm someone who gets to dive deep into your soul. Know I appreciate the time we've had or are having and I want to thank you for taking a chance on me.
God Bless and remember to Love and cherish the moments you have in your life!!
Although, in four years of College I got to meet and be the person to unlock others souls. Though I suppose I feel bad for never fully unlocking mine. Some parts may be because after losing her I was afaird of the secrets and the pain to come flying out. Prehaps...it was just me being stubborn me.
In my life I have withheld a lot from people. I suppose it was my way of protecting myself or maybe I have always had this random idea of being a burden. I suppose this idea came from my father. It seemed like he had to forget his promises because I was just another thing on his to do list. Now, my step-father has tried all he could to fix that but I suppose for some reason it still remains.
If we have ever gone to school together throughout our lives and you've felt like I never understood you. Chances are I did, but I was too afaird to let you understand also. If we went to school and you ever really cared but never had the time to show it I appreciate it. I appreciate all you did have the time to do. If you ever wonder if I think about you I do. It may not be everyday but their is that one song or that one color that reminds me of you. If you ever called me your friend I hope I was qualified and served my purpose. If you ever see me around and I seem cold or frozen I'm sorry.
I only strive to make a difference in the lives of everyone I meet. I suppose this was a lofty goal I concieved years ago. I suppose after going through so much pain I only wanted to be able to bring people the happiness that so alluded me. For 12 years I had a huge ball of Happiness in my best friend and after her I am tryin' to pick up the pieces to still discover it again.
If you ever wonder if I want you to succeed...absolutly. If you ever thought I was weird, ugly, annoying: I'm sure I gave you justice but I want you to know that I still want the best. If you think this is all a lie I hope you think twice.
Remember that we were made to build realationships of all degrees. So even if I'm someone who only pinchs the surface or I'm someone who gets to dive deep into your soul. Know I appreciate the time we've had or are having and I want to thank you for taking a chance on me.
God Bless and remember to Love and cherish the moments you have in your life!!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
What you learn in 10 years?
Ten years ago today I was sitting in a 7th grade science classroom. As the bell rang to change classes all I could remember was seeing that plane hit the second tower. I remember going into my reading class and hearing a very wise 8th grade history teacher tell my reading teacher to turn back on the TV. He told her that if we do not watch history we won't understand it later. So all day our teachers let us sit and stare at the Televison. I feel like I was glossy eyed most of the day.
When I got home all I could remember is wanting to watch some stupid cartoon and yet everything seemed to be momentarily frozen on the events that had occured in the morning hours.
Now, as a 22 year old women I am disguisted with my niavity. For I should have listened to that very wise 8th grade teacher. He has warned me that my life was bound to change by a senseless incident that happened miles away from my once small town. I didn't lose anyone in the attacks that took place that day but as the years passed ive watched countless documentaries...went to relive that day at the traveling exhibit and even questions what would I have done.
In those ten years...I've grown, I've learned, and I still don't understand why so many people had to lose their lives that day. I heard the Heaven remix-2011 by Dj Sammy yesterday on my way to work. To think of all the children who lost their parents. I know I at time take my parents for granted. I sometimes forget to say I LOVE YOU or even take the time to ask them how things are going. However, I cannot imagine how I would feel if I couldn't see them sporting their proud parent shirts from my college alma mater or remind me of my great character.
Three years ago the day after 9/11 an event that doesnt rock a nation occured. I lost my best friend. When we witnessed the events of 9/11 we thought we were invicible. We thought we would be dancing at each others weddings and making fun of each other when we got pregant and all the other things best friends do...but then I remember that it's only been three years. Ten years ago....A LOT OF PEOPLE LOST THEIR BEST FRIENDS!
So here's to never forgetting the history that has unfolded before us. Here is to never forgetting the power of each other. HERE IS TO BEING GRATEFUL FOR ALL YOU HAVE. HERE IS TO LOVING YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FRIENDS. MOST OF ALL HERE IS TO BEING BLESSED ENOUGH TO GROW UP IN A COUNTRY WHERE PEOPLE ARE SELFLESS ENOUGH TO DIE FOR THE DREAMS YOU IMAGINE!
THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL YOU DO AND MAY THIS NATION REALIZE THAT WE WERE BUILT ON YOU. SO WE MUST STAND STRONG AND NEVER DIVIDED!
NEVER FORGET BUT RISE ABOVE
When I got home all I could remember is wanting to watch some stupid cartoon and yet everything seemed to be momentarily frozen on the events that had occured in the morning hours.
Now, as a 22 year old women I am disguisted with my niavity. For I should have listened to that very wise 8th grade teacher. He has warned me that my life was bound to change by a senseless incident that happened miles away from my once small town. I didn't lose anyone in the attacks that took place that day but as the years passed ive watched countless documentaries...went to relive that day at the traveling exhibit and even questions what would I have done.
In those ten years...I've grown, I've learned, and I still don't understand why so many people had to lose their lives that day. I heard the Heaven remix-2011 by Dj Sammy yesterday on my way to work. To think of all the children who lost their parents. I know I at time take my parents for granted. I sometimes forget to say I LOVE YOU or even take the time to ask them how things are going. However, I cannot imagine how I would feel if I couldn't see them sporting their proud parent shirts from my college alma mater or remind me of my great character.
Three years ago the day after 9/11 an event that doesnt rock a nation occured. I lost my best friend. When we witnessed the events of 9/11 we thought we were invicible. We thought we would be dancing at each others weddings and making fun of each other when we got pregant and all the other things best friends do...but then I remember that it's only been three years. Ten years ago....A LOT OF PEOPLE LOST THEIR BEST FRIENDS!
So here's to never forgetting the history that has unfolded before us. Here is to never forgetting the power of each other. HERE IS TO BEING GRATEFUL FOR ALL YOU HAVE. HERE IS TO LOVING YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FRIENDS. MOST OF ALL HERE IS TO BEING BLESSED ENOUGH TO GROW UP IN A COUNTRY WHERE PEOPLE ARE SELFLESS ENOUGH TO DIE FOR THE DREAMS YOU IMAGINE!
THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL YOU DO AND MAY THIS NATION REALIZE THAT WE WERE BUILT ON YOU. SO WE MUST STAND STRONG AND NEVER DIVIDED!
NEVER FORGET BUT RISE ABOVE
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
They trickle slowly
I suppose I set myself up for the trickle effect. I set myself up to be tough. To hold back what I thought was weakness. To hold back the pain and anxiety. I come home from work and It doesn't feel like a home anymore. I'm 22 and why yes I would love to escape for a week or two I want my family to stay strong. I've seen my family crumble before..I was six and my mom sent me off to live with my grandmother. I realize now that it was her first attempt to show me that I had some sort of potential that she didn't spot in my sisters. Perhaps, its because the father I do not know is some CEO or Big wig. Maybe, at six years old I showed some radical glimspe of something big.
I sit here however 22 and crippled. Crippled by the harsh reality that surrounds me. Surrounded by the yearning to be someplace with excitement while being stuck like a fly to fly tape. I was told today by a complete stranger that I have a heart of gold. Told that a physical therapy school would be foolish to not want a heart like mine.
Amist all of the fog that has started the day I had felt some light. Almost as if God had sent her to remind me of the most simplistic thing.
This summer I have realized that my weight was a cover up. Now workin' hard to getting healthy and fit I find that its not just the outside exterior one must shed it's this boulder of emotions inside as well. I suppose its the years of feeling like a complete outcast, or quite possibly it was my fault for comparing myself to others.
I don't regret my past but I do have high hopes for my future. I suppose that is my Zodiac sign talking. Ever the sign of optimism. So tonight I'll let them trickle down. I'll let them burn my cheeks. I'll let the moments I've clinged to fall. I'll let the pain wash over the exterior. For once I will lose myself in the lyrics and harmony as they come tumbling down.
I suppose the lesson in this blog is that true strength comes from admitting that things haven't always been picture perfect and not accepting it but overcoming the distortion. Overcoming the pain and turning it into something beautiful.
To weave the pleasure and the pain into a blanket. One that warms your soul and reminds you to continue to push forward to greatness.
So, do you have things you want to let trickle down? Do you have things to weave? Let the pain burn and the pleasure ignite. May you find some sort of comfort in the confusion in the fear. DO NOT HIDE FROM IT, FOR IT WILL FIND YOU AGAIN! STAND UP, STAND OUT, AND EMBRACE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE!
I sit here however 22 and crippled. Crippled by the harsh reality that surrounds me. Surrounded by the yearning to be someplace with excitement while being stuck like a fly to fly tape. I was told today by a complete stranger that I have a heart of gold. Told that a physical therapy school would be foolish to not want a heart like mine.
Amist all of the fog that has started the day I had felt some light. Almost as if God had sent her to remind me of the most simplistic thing.
This summer I have realized that my weight was a cover up. Now workin' hard to getting healthy and fit I find that its not just the outside exterior one must shed it's this boulder of emotions inside as well. I suppose its the years of feeling like a complete outcast, or quite possibly it was my fault for comparing myself to others.
I don't regret my past but I do have high hopes for my future. I suppose that is my Zodiac sign talking. Ever the sign of optimism. So tonight I'll let them trickle down. I'll let them burn my cheeks. I'll let the moments I've clinged to fall. I'll let the pain wash over the exterior. For once I will lose myself in the lyrics and harmony as they come tumbling down.
I suppose the lesson in this blog is that true strength comes from admitting that things haven't always been picture perfect and not accepting it but overcoming the distortion. Overcoming the pain and turning it into something beautiful.
To weave the pleasure and the pain into a blanket. One that warms your soul and reminds you to continue to push forward to greatness.
So, do you have things you want to let trickle down? Do you have things to weave? Let the pain burn and the pleasure ignite. May you find some sort of comfort in the confusion in the fear. DO NOT HIDE FROM IT, FOR IT WILL FIND YOU AGAIN! STAND UP, STAND OUT, AND EMBRACE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Wanna find that someone
I feel that weird pressure again. To find someone that makes me feel good. That makes me feel like I could do no wrong, even when I am wrong. I suppose I need to quit watching reality TV shows about love or prehaps its my own stint as a romance writer that it hitting it off big time.
Tonight I watched this show called big sexy. My whole life I have been bigger than most of the people in my family. I look back at pictures and cringe because I was not taking care of myself. I am currently a size 16. A size i've been before. Although, I know this is something not under the big girl code...I see myself smaller. It's not the world telling me this rather myself I suppose.
I have friends who tell me all the time about how they love big girls. How there is just something about us. I'd like to think their is a lot more heart and personality. I think a lot of that has to do with how we learned to get noticed.
So, I am this girl and am deeply enchanted by this guy. Enchanted may not be the world but I am completely dumbfounded by him. He can make me smile, laugh, and at times even scream. Although, as I think of trying to hold on the possiblity of something I know he is happy. Happy with a women who isn't me.
Last night I had one of those bouts of tears. He was racing around my mind. He was captivating me. His named swirled and my heart cried out for him. However, like always he didn't hear. It's really not his fault he doesn't hear. There is distance, there is complications, and then there is just all these insecurities I have.
I suppose maybe this is hitting about now because we are coming upon the 3 year anniversary of me losing my best friend. The person who told me I was beautiful at all stages of my weight battle. Who told me that I am the only one he could ever truly love, prehaps it was her internal optimism why I hang on today..
Then I remember God tells me that "Love is patient." Not that you have to tell me that twice. I mean I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 16 and am now happily 22 and still single.
Although, I know as time passes things will appear and I will simply smile.
So...if your like me...Love who you are. Embrace the opportunities that await you, and never forget that if your watching for Mr. or Mrs. Right that in due time....they will appear and love everything. Even your most annoying little habits, and they will cherish them the most.
So Laugh often, Life fully, and LOVE LIKE YOU AIN'T GONNA GET HURT!
GOD BLESS
Tonight I watched this show called big sexy. My whole life I have been bigger than most of the people in my family. I look back at pictures and cringe because I was not taking care of myself. I am currently a size 16. A size i've been before. Although, I know this is something not under the big girl code...I see myself smaller. It's not the world telling me this rather myself I suppose.
I have friends who tell me all the time about how they love big girls. How there is just something about us. I'd like to think their is a lot more heart and personality. I think a lot of that has to do with how we learned to get noticed.
So, I am this girl and am deeply enchanted by this guy. Enchanted may not be the world but I am completely dumbfounded by him. He can make me smile, laugh, and at times even scream. Although, as I think of trying to hold on the possiblity of something I know he is happy. Happy with a women who isn't me.
Last night I had one of those bouts of tears. He was racing around my mind. He was captivating me. His named swirled and my heart cried out for him. However, like always he didn't hear. It's really not his fault he doesn't hear. There is distance, there is complications, and then there is just all these insecurities I have.
I suppose maybe this is hitting about now because we are coming upon the 3 year anniversary of me losing my best friend. The person who told me I was beautiful at all stages of my weight battle. Who told me that I am the only one he could ever truly love, prehaps it was her internal optimism why I hang on today..
Then I remember God tells me that "Love is patient." Not that you have to tell me that twice. I mean I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 16 and am now happily 22 and still single.
Although, I know as time passes things will appear and I will simply smile.
So...if your like me...Love who you are. Embrace the opportunities that await you, and never forget that if your watching for Mr. or Mrs. Right that in due time....they will appear and love everything. Even your most annoying little habits, and they will cherish them the most.
So Laugh often, Life fully, and LOVE LIKE YOU AIN'T GONNA GET HURT!
GOD BLESS
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