They trickle slowly

I suppose I set myself up for the trickle effect. I set myself up to be tough. To hold back what I thought was weakness. To hold back the pain and anxiety. I come home from work and It doesn't feel like a home anymore. I'm 22 and why yes I would love to escape for a week or two I want my family to stay strong. I've seen my family crumble before..I was six and my mom sent me off to live with my grandmother. I realize now that it was her first attempt to show me that I had some sort of potential that she didn't spot in my sisters. Perhaps, its because the father I do not know is some CEO or Big wig. Maybe, at six years old I showed some radical glimspe of something big.

I sit here however 22 and crippled. Crippled by the harsh reality that surrounds me. Surrounded by the yearning to be someplace with excitement while being stuck like a fly to fly tape. I was told today by a complete stranger that I have a heart of gold. Told that a physical therapy school would be foolish to not want a heart like mine.
Amist all of the fog that has started the day I had felt some light. Almost as if God had sent her to remind me of the most simplistic thing.
   This summer I have realized that my weight was a cover up. Now workin' hard to getting healthy and fit I find that its not just the outside exterior one must shed it's this boulder of emotions inside as well. I suppose its the years of feeling like a complete outcast, or quite possibly it was my fault for comparing myself to others.
    I don't regret my past but I do have high hopes for my future. I suppose that is my Zodiac sign talking. Ever the sign of optimism. So tonight I'll let them trickle down. I'll let them burn my cheeks. I'll let the moments I've clinged to fall. I'll let the pain wash over the exterior. For once I will lose myself in the lyrics and harmony as they come tumbling down.
     I suppose the lesson in this blog is that true strength comes from admitting that things haven't always been picture perfect and not accepting it but overcoming the distortion. Overcoming the pain and turning it into something beautiful.
  To weave the pleasure and the pain into a blanket. One that warms your soul and reminds you to continue to push forward to greatness.

So, do you have things you want to let trickle down? Do you have things to weave? Let the pain burn and the pleasure ignite. May you find some sort of comfort in the confusion in the fear. DO NOT HIDE FROM IT, FOR IT WILL FIND YOU AGAIN! STAND UP, STAND OUT, AND EMBRACE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE!