Wanna find that someone

I feel that weird pressure again. To find someone that makes me feel good. That makes me feel like I could do no wrong, even when I am wrong. I suppose I need to quit watching reality TV shows about love or prehaps its my own stint as a romance writer that it hitting it off big time.

Tonight I watched this show called big sexy. My whole life I have been bigger than most of the people in my family. I look back at pictures and cringe because I was not taking care of myself. I am currently a size 16. A size i've been before. Although, I know this is something not under the big girl code...I see myself smaller. It's not the world telling me this rather myself I suppose.

I have friends who tell me all the time about how they love big girls. How there is just something about us. I'd like to think their is a lot more heart and personality. I think a lot of that has to do with how we learned to get noticed.

So, I am this girl and am deeply enchanted by this guy. Enchanted may not be the world but I am completely dumbfounded by him. He can make me smile, laugh, and at times even scream. Although, as I think of trying to hold on the possiblity of something I know he is happy. Happy with a women who isn't me.

Last night I had one of those bouts of tears. He was racing around my mind. He was captivating me. His named swirled and my heart cried out for him. However, like always he didn't hear. It's really not his fault he doesn't hear. There is distance, there is complications, and then there is just all these insecurities I have.

I suppose maybe this is hitting about now because we are coming upon the 3 year anniversary of me losing my best friend. The person who told me I was beautiful at all stages of my weight battle. Who told me that I am the only one he could ever truly love, prehaps it was her internal optimism why I hang on today..

Then I remember God tells me that "Love is patient." Not that you have to tell me that twice. I mean I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 16 and am now happily 22 and still single.

Although, I know as time passes things will appear and I will simply smile.

So...if your like me...Love who you are. Embrace the opportunities that await you, and never forget that if your watching for Mr. or Mrs. Right that in due time....they will appear and love everything. Even your most annoying little habits, and they will cherish them the most.

So Laugh often, Life fully, and LOVE LIKE YOU AIN'T GONNA GET HURT!

GOD BLESS