Dear God, I'm sorry

Dear God-

If there was an address up in the sky I am sure a letter compiled similarly to this would reach you once about every two months. Sad really, I should be writting you letters of praise daily. However, I tell myself I am do busy or I do find time and it comes from selfish pretenses. God, I know you can't tell me everythin' if you did...then what would I have to truly live for. God, I know that I yearn for love but yet I have always had the greatest love within me. I don't know why it's so hard to remember that you sent your son and he outstretched his arms and said "I love you this big." I suppose that is why around easter our hearts sadden as we know that it was not him who put himself on the cross but rather us who did.

It's Christmas time...a time to celebrate what we've come to call as the nativity story or the birth of your son. However, why is that forgetton amongst the shopping for gifts and decorating the tree. I know that not everyone forget it and Lord, I apologize that sometimes or should I say most the time my family does. No, I am not trying to point finger even I forget the true meaning of Christmas from time to time. I suppose thats from working too many Christmas's in the retail setting.

God, I guess this letter was prompted because today I felt kind of alone. The house was empty except for the three dogs. Then there was that moment when I thought back to a beautiful friendship that you started between me and someone else and then you ended it also. I suppose I am asking you how to feel less guilty about such incident or if I ever will? Maybe the answer isn't in the voice I hear but rather the lessons I've been learning. I know in that moment when my life shattered or felt like it was shattering you wanted to draw me near.

I know this year I haven't been the best at coming to you with things. I still have that...I can do it on my own attitude but I NEED TO STOP THAT! I CANNOT DO IT ALL ON MY OWN. Phil. 4:13 says " I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength." THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE VERSES YET I NEGLECT THE VERY MEANING. I even tattooed the word strength on my foot to remind me of that verse and remind me of the strength you gave my best friend in order to help her mold me into the woman I am today.
So, God...I'm sorry. I am sorry that unlike others I talk to everyday that I neglect finding the time for you. I'm sorry for the wrong things I do and heartly wish that years ago all the hate and anger I had towards you could be long forgotten in my heart. God, I know that the path of life you see for me is the right path and although it doesn't fit in "MY TIMING" it doesn't mean it Won't Happen.

God, I can't imagine scaraficing someone you love for thousands upon thousands of people who didnt deserve it. I AM THANKFUL EVERYDAY THAT YOU DID THOUGH. I am thankful that things in life isnt fair because if life was fair Lord I know where I belong. That thought sends chills down my spine but I have done more bad then good.

Tonight, as I slowly prepare for bed...I will find the time  to rekindle the father-daughter relationship you seek. Father, I want you to know that in my crazy life you have been the one constant father. I know I don't say this enough but I LOVE YOU TOO.

Good night Dad...I love you