Things happen for a reason...something I have heard a lot about in my life. I guess being the curious person I am I have always questioned or wondered about the reasons for things but sometimes...the answers lead to a dead end path.
So I am 22 a recent college graduate and still living with my folks. While I love my parents I feel like a huge burden on them. Although, I dont know there answer all the time I am sure burden is not a word my mom would use.
However, in my 22 years a lot of things have happened. I've discovered the reasons for some of them and still question others.
I mean at 6 years old I was diagnosised with a lazy eye and had to wear a pirate patch. While I wasnt the cutest kid in the bunch I realized that it took my visual impairments to do other things. No my hand eye coordination didnt improve when I put glasses on but a lot of other things did. I could read without having my nose in the binding of the book. I could sit at the back of the classroom and still learn. I often think God gave me glasses because how else would I disguise my dorkiness.
At 6 years old my parents got a divorce and I went to live with my grandmother. Today, Ive let go of being hurt about it and am proud. For it was the first time in my life I had to learn to be independant outside my mom. living in the middle of no where with only one friend I learned to use my imagination. It also made me fall in love with fields and gravel roads.
at 13 I suppose the shocking blow of finding out that the guy whose last name I have is not my real father took center stage. it then made me wonder who in the hell created the other half of me. That mixed with ackward teenage things seemed to take over my world. I guess what I learned the most from this was that there is always gonna be those moments that your searchin for the answers...the key is to just keep searchin.
At 14 I found the Lord again through the PBR. Mike Lee and Wiley petersen were my instant favorites and years of avid fanhood has given me a few more cool cowboys to credit. One is Mckennon Wimberly. Just saying his name around my friends and family can sometimes get eye rolls but most of the time a smile emerges. I have to say that I love building friendships with the professional cowboys but none of my friendships are as strong as his. Mckennon probably is tired of hearing this but after I lost my best friend at 19 I turned to his strength and fighting spirit. I had to learn what it took from him. He is a great teacher if y'all wondered.
As time flies by I sit here 22 years old. the beginning of this year I was frusterated with not getting into Physical therapy school. I was upset about going 2 and a half years without my best friend. That was when Mckennon got into his wreck. I have to admit I went crazy. I wanted to do all I could for him and his family and although I knew I couldnt do much I did what was so easy to do....I just prayed. As I prayed to God I saw this beautiful friendship grow between me and his mom Paula. I swear it feels like Ive known Paula my whole life. I feel like I played with Mckennon when I was younger and Paula was the mom who always had the goodies at her house. I know thats funny for me to write because well I didnt know Mckennon when I was younger and I still havent met the beautiful Paula but just her messages and simple hellos have always put a smile on my face.
I dont know why I lost my best friend at 19 and I wont know until the day the Lord calls me home. However, I realized that he didnt leave me here stranded like I thought. He gave me the best teachers: The Wimberly's to remind me that I could do it. To that I thank them tremendously.
I also when I was little didnt understand why God gave me the mother I had. I also felt like I was inadequate compared to my sisters. For some reason like I didnt belong. As years go by I've come out of my stupidity and realize that God had to give me a strong women for a mother. Otherwise, without her I would have failed beyond belief. I know I don't say it enough but I am proud of my mom. Even if she frusterates me from time to time trying to worry about my sisters problems I know that she loves us and that even though she holds me to a higher standard doesnt mean she isnt proud.
I have made numerous friends and to you all I thank. For its you guys who keep me laughing, who remind me to smile, and who put up with me. I thank the Lord for giving me people who are always willing and ready to take my hand.
I may not know the reasons behind a lot of things but I know for sure there is a Reason in me waiting a year for PT school. there is a reason in me having to chase my dreams without my best friend in toe. There is a reason that God gave me a wild heart and lastly there was a reason you needed or wanted to read it. If it didnt satisfy your reason...maybe there is a lesson mixed in it after all.
God Bless,
Stevie Phillips
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